Faith & anxiety
When I Am Afraid
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What David’s prayer in Psalm 56 can teach us about trust
David once heard the words to a song about himself and knew he was in trouble.
Back home in Israel, women had sung it to celebrate a victory. Saul had killed his thousands, and David his tens of thousands. But by 1 Samuel 21, Saul is trying to kill David, and David has run to the Philistine city of Gath. If that name sounds familiar, it’s where Goliath grew up. And the sword David picked up on his way there? That belonged to Goliath, too.
So imagine David standing there when the servants of King Achish recognize him. They even know the song. Scripture tells us David is very afraid of Achish. He scratches marks on the doors and lets saliva run down his beard, hoping the king will think he’s lost his mind. Eventually, David gets away.
That’s the story the heading of Psalm 56 points us back to. It changes how I hear a verse I’ve known for years. “When I am afraid, I put my trust in you” (Psalm 56:3, NIV).
I appreciate that David says when. This is the same guy who faced Goliath, and he can tell God, pretty plainly, “I’m scared.” I think some of us have a harder time admitting that than we realize. We feel anxious about something, and then we get down on ourselves because we think we ought to have more faith by now.
What went through your mind?
Say you’re lying in bed on a Sunday night. You made a mistake at work on Friday, and you’ll see your boss in the morning. You roll over and check the time. Somehow you’ve spent the last half hour working out how to defend yourself in a conversation you haven’t had.
One question I like to ask in counseling is, “What went through your mind right before you started feeling anxious?” In this case, it might be, My boss is going to think she can’t count on me. Once you hear that thought out loud, it makes sense that your stomach is tight and you’ve spent half the night building a defense.
That’s where I’d start with CBT. Slow it down enough to see the thought, the feeling, and what you did next. Then try talking back to the thought in a way you can actually believe. I did miss something on Friday. My boss may be frustrated. I can own my part and tell her what I’m doing to fix it.
Would you still feel nervous walking into work? Probably. But you might walk in ready to listen. That’s a pretty meaningful change, even if your stomach hasn’t caught up yet.
What David says next
Go back and read what David prays after he says he trusts God. People are twisting his words. They’re watching where he goes, waiting for a chance to hurt him. He tells God all of it.
What gets me is the difference between verses 6 and 8. David’s enemies pay attention to every step he takes because they’re looking for their chance. Then David asks God to gather his tears in a bottle. The people watching David know where he’s been. God knows what it’s cost him to get there.
I wonder how often we skip that part of prayer. We get as far as “Lord, help tomorrow go well,” when what we really want to say is, “Lord, I’m embarrassed. I hate that I let somebody down, and I’m scared she’ll see me differently now.” Psalm 56 gives us room to stay there for a minute. David lets God hear what hurts. A few verses later, he tells God again that he trusts him. I’m glad we get to hear what he says in between.
If something’s keeping you up tonight, try finishing this sentence with God. What I’m afraid of is ____. Give the honest answer, even if it feels a little embarrassing to say. Then ask for help with the part that’s yours to do tomorrow. Maybe that’s as simple as walking into your boss’s office and saying, “I missed that on Friday. Here’s how I’d like to fix it.”
And if tomorrow goes about as badly as you feared? You can come home and tell God that, too. The God David trusted with his life was also the one he trusted with his tears.
Read 1 Samuel 21:8–22:1 and Psalm 56.
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